Getting a Little Personal Today

Yeah so I had this great idea I was going to make sure that I blogged regularly. Seems that I failed, almost epically!

But moving onward..
I thought today I would discuss a few things that aren’t in the realm of writing but in me personally.
I don’t know if I have mentioned it on the blog before, maybe in passing or joking but I am diagnosed with Anxiety Disorder and ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder). I don’t have ADHD. I wish I had the hyper part cause maybe I could get things done, but alas I wasn’t graced with that part.
I’ve struggled with attention since I was a child, being a kid in the late 70s and 80′s we didn’t even discuss ADD, dyslexia was just starting to be acknowledged where I live. All I ever heard was “Kay would be a great student if she’d apply herself, if she’d pay attention she’d be a straight A student. She just doesn’t try hard enough.” Yeah I know that. I used to sit in class and think, “I am going to do better, I’m going to study, and get better grades and oohhhh look at that, five chapters later we’re going to talk about adverbs!”

Yep, that was my life. I was great at English. I was such a good reader in first grade that I tested into the third grade reading books. I was repeating the same reading books in 5 and 6th grade that I had done in 4th grade. I could read at a college level in 6th grade. I struggled all through school with getting things done. Even in my semi adult life I did.
Then when I was 31 I was diagnosed by a psychiatrist with ADD as well as the anxiety disorder.
The anxiety disorder is nuts. It really is. I would worry to the point I’d have a panic attack about my kids maybe leaving the stove on and the house blowing up. I’d worry about them walking to school to the point that I thought someone might run over them with a truck. I’d shake, couldn’t do anything until I knew they were okay and all the while in my head I’m saying “Hey you’re being dumb, stop worrying, this is pointless” and that other part of my brain was screaming. “YOU DON”T KNOW THAT?! ARE YOU INSANE? EVERYTHING IS UNSAFE!! OMG CALL HOME!!!”

Yeah that was my life. I couldn’t sleep and when I did I would wake up worrying. Between that and the ADD, I felt like my life was never mine. I was trying so hard to keep things together and failing miserably. To everyone I just looked unorganized and scatterbrained and no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t make it better.
What a lot of people don’t realize is that depression is very common in people with AD (anxiety disorder) and ADD. I fell into that trap too.
You want so much to feel normal, to not worry, to not have your thoughts race in twenty directions at a time. You want to focus on things but you can’t. No matter how hard you try, you start to daydream, drift off to other places, you go over things you need to do that week, or what is in the house that needs cleaned, what clothes need washed tonight, what am I going to cook for dinner, dinner the other night was great when I went out with the kids, I wonder what the kids will be like when they grow up, I remember a cake I had for my fourth birthday, wow that’s crazy I was really young, now I can remember that cake but what was I supposed to get at the store later? Maybe I was supposed to get cake?
That is how my thought process worked and still does at times. I had no control over where my thoughts went or why they went there. Feeling that out of control of your thoughts leads to the depression. It’s hard to even explain to someone what it’s like for your mind to race, to go over ten subjects in the span of twenty seconds. It’s like your brain and thoughts go on autopilot and unless you grab them and reign them in you’re a passenger on the ride.
Thank heavens for the mental health field and the people who help the crazies like me (and I say that in a teasing manner.) I still struggle but the meds help a lot. Therapy too.
I still get a little bummed at times, and sometimes I just focus on some things and forget about other things I should be doing i.e. this blog.
I see it, I know I should do it but I go to log on and Facebook catches me, or the ever dreaded Tumblr. On a side note Tumblr is like crack for me, I swear I am on there and I lose hours of my life staring at cute men and funny memes. It’s an addiction. I highly recommend it and I warn you ahead of time of the addictive qualities.  BUT I LIKE ALL THE GORGEOUS MEN AND STUFF!!!!!

But I digress… again.
So that is kind of what happens when I don’t post on here regularly, it’s me just getting wrapped up in two million other things that probably don’t mean much at all. I let the thoughts and the distraction take me and then voila, it’s two weeks later and I haven’t posted anything.
I also hope that reading this you realize that people with ADD and Anxiety Disorder are normal folks who deal with some hard things. It’s crazy at times to have to struggle with the things I do, to wish so badly you could focus on something and yet you can’t. You try so hard to keep yourself in check but no matter what you do, it’s like your life just rushes out of control and you’re hanging on hoping it will stop long enough for you to catch your breath.
So yeah, I’m going to try and stay up on this blog but if you don’t see a post for a couple weeks, you can just figure Kay is on another of her distracted by the shineys in life phases and she’ll be back soon.
Please also feel free to comment, share your thoughts and also share this blog with anyone who might have the same things happening in their life so they understand that there are others out there and they aren’t alone.

Easter, PMS, Hockey & Zombies... I swear it will make sense!!

So today is Easter or for the pagan crowd Ostara. Either way Happy Day to you!

I find myself in a funk right now.. I think it's PMS but I can't swear to it the desire for chocolate and to scream makes me think it is. I just have no desire to do much of anything. I sit down to write, get about 500 words out and then ppfflllt.. nothing. It's like all my inspiration goes right out the window and I'm banging my head....

Could be the fact that things are rough financially and I see no light at the end of the tunnel. Either way..
Yep.. not gonna care.
I know I'm usually more peppy on my blog but this one of those times that I'm just not my normal happy peppy self.  Apologies for that!!

But I can tell you that I have a solid start on 2-yes-2 new stories!!
The first is called "Hot Mess"  and it's about a hockey player walking a doggie and a woman moving into a new apartment. Yep that's all I am giving you on that one at least for right now. My hope is to have it done by April 12. It's more than likely going to be a short story maybe 20k words or less, just depends on how much I get into it when I start writing it. As the adorable Max Talbot would say...


The second is a horror/romance (is that even a genre?) that takes place in a zombie outbreak and it's going to be called Isolation. I'm going to try something new with that and mainly only have 2 characters through the entire book other than the bad guys/zombies that might present themselves. It will be gory, bloody and pretty dang depressing to a degree but have you ever watched a happy zombie movie or read a happy zombie story? Either way it won't quite be as cool as The Walking Dead, or Daryl killing vampires ((look down) but I promise Colt and Kelsey will be pretty cool.

So that is what's up in my world right now. Nothing but Easter, PMS, Zombies, Hockey and writing.. See I TOLD you it would all make sense in the end!!!
Tell me what's up in yours right now!!!!

HorrorHound Weekend 2013

I attended HorrorHound weekend this past weekend in Cincinnati OH at the Sharonville Convention Center.

First of all let me say that the picture above is what you see as you come around a large hill in KY. That sight of the Cincinnati skyline still makes me excited. I love Cincinnati, it's a gorgeous city and the skyline is one of the prettiest I have ever seen. Secondly, THANK GOODNESS we had our tickets purchased in advance as well as buying the early entry tickets. The show sold out on Saturday and Sunday.
The main reason that we went was to see the members of the cast of the Walking Dead that were going to be there.  I am a huge fan of the show The Walking Dead. Let me also say that I don't do zombie flicks. I have watched them but it wasn't like I was a huge fan of them. I used to think they were dumb. I still think they are a little dumb but that's cause I try and find all the reasons that zombie take overs wont happen. You know that rotting flesh in the nasty Louisville heat among other things. Other than that.. okay lets roll with it...

We started off in the vendor room and I saw these little cuties and nearly squealed! I love dolls... a leftover from my little girl days and these were just the most awesome I'd seen in awhile.

Little demon baby and vampire baby. They also had zombie babies too. They were so adorable!!!
We then decided it might be a good idea to get in line for our photo op with Norman Reedus. Good thing we did because man o man was it insane!! We waited almost two hours for our photos with him. We got our photo with him and then proceeded to go out and roam around the vendors room once more. When I get the digital download of the Reedus pic I swear I will post it here.
Among the other cool things was this awesome pumpkin dude. He has a show on Youtube as well as a Facebook page but I am having trouble finding it. When I do I will share it here on the blog. He was funny and his handler even gave me a rainbow lei... so I got Lei'd by the Pumpkin dude.!

Saturday was an absolute MESS. They oversold the convention and I think they had NO idea the turnout that bringing in the cast from the Walking Dead would bring. They had to stop letting people in for awhile and when we left at 2pm there were STILL people waiting outside. I was lucky enough to get some shots of Chandler Riggs who plays Carl on The Walking Dead so the day wasn't a total waste

Sunday was THE day!!! We stood in line to meet Jon Bernthall who played Shane on the Walking Dead. While we were there I was able to snap pictures of Norman Reedus (Daryl Dixon), Sarah Wayne Cailles (Laurie) as well as Scott Wilson (Herschel) when he came in to talk to Jon!! I'm going to overload you with a BUNCH of pics now, so enjoy!!!

Yep, that's me with Jon.
There were three people taking pics of me with him. When we finished he said. "Just like being on the damn red carpet!" He was super nice (all of them that we talked to were) and I am soo happy that we got to go. After meeting Jon, we went upstairs to the vendor room and wandered a bit more, that was when I saw THESE!!!!
Yes.. that is a baby werewolf doll!!!

 I want one of these little buggers so badly but I heard the woman who makes them say she had a years worth of orders and they are priced a little steep for me $500 BUT... BUT they are so freaking CUTE!!!! I still want one!!!
All in all we had a great weekend but I will say it was one of the most POORLY planned and ran conventions I have ever been to. They had NO schedules, NO maps, no one knew where anything was and they obviously oversold the show and never kept track of how many tickets they sold.  Volunteers didn't know what was going on and people at the registration desk knew very little about anything. We actually left early on Saturday because it was so overcrowded.
I did have an awesome vacation, some much needed rest and our hotel was AWESOME!! Much props to the management and employees of the Residence Inn in West Chester Ohio. I couldn't ask for a better hotel experience and they were some of the nicest warmest folks I've ever met. They also served a great breakfast!!
Going to have some guest blogs this week (That I forgot from last week) as well as some new things to share!!!
Til Next Time...............

HorrorHound, Authors Fair and the Grandbaby has a name!!!

So this past weekend I participated in the That Book Place's 3rd Annual Authors Fair in Madison, Indiana! Almost 60 authors of every genre imaginable came out and I was lucky enough to be a part of it!!
I shared a table with Carol Preflatish and Molly Daniels, both of whom are published with my publisher Secret Cravings Publishing.


The day started out super windy and our tent that we were "supposed" to be under ended up flying over several tables and landing on the other side of the parking lot. Needless to say, tents were taken down and the rest of the day was spent talking to readersand other authors, making and selling chainmaille bracelets, and eating lots of yummy food!!

I also got a TON of compliments on my shirt that I wore.

Yep.. I am a Walking Dead fan. I will admit it and I have been a fan of Norman Reedus since Boondock Saints. I've always thought he was adorable and now as the sexy redneck Daryl, well I find him even more attractive. That brings me to my second  subject of this blog
HorrorHound!!
My bestie Cyndi, her hubby and me and my hubby are all going to Cincinnati this weekend for HorrorHound Weekend.
Now let me say that I AM NOT a fan of horror. I don't like slasher flicks or anything of the sort, I do however love the Walking Dead and a good portion of the cast are going to be there. I am more than excited about seeing them and having the chance to go to the panel where they will be talking. Norman Reedus is going to be there this weekend and I'll be getting to do a photoop with him. Of course this is a shuffle you in and out as fast as possible cant really say much to him but hey.. at least I'll have the picture right?!
We're also going to the zombie ball on Friday night and I will be doing my best to have a very cool zombie outfit on, if nothing else. I'm more looking forward to enjoying a weekend with the husband, no kids, no grandkids and no one to really answer to.
So that's on the agenda for this weekend.
On a personal note....
We found out the sexy of the grandbaby to be yesterday

Yeppers, It's a BOY. The kids have decided to name him Ethan Robert. The Robert comes from my maternal grandfather who was very close to my son. He passed away in 2008 and my son always insisted his son would be named after grampa. Well that's how it;s working out. I love the name and cannot wait til Ethan gets here in September!!
Tomorrow we are going to have a guest blog from the lovely Vicki Locey!!!
Leave a comment, let me know you stopped by!!
Friday we are going to be doing a GIVEAWAY!! FREEBIES!!!

So yeah, I haven't posted in over two weeks and I guess I need to say a big  OOPS!!!!

I have a bad habit of forgetting to update the blog with everything that is going on in my real life. I am happy to report that now things are starting to fall into a nice pattern, get into a sort of schedule and I plan on doing the same!!
If you've read my bio, you are privy to the fact that I have 5 kiddos. Of those five, four of them still live at home with me. My oldest of those living with me Son #2, well he got himself in a bit of trouble and is now expecting a baby in September. Yup, I'm gonna be a granny..crazy to think huh? The story gets even MORE interesting with the fact that his baby momma (as we will refer to her) already has a 7 month old son (with another guy). Yeppers. We all make mistakes and baby momma hasn't had the greatest life. I know this. So baby momma and the wee man (as we shall refer to the 7 month old) are now living with us as well. Did I mention that baby momma is having complications and cannot do much of anything, including lifting the wee man because he's a moose, 23 lbs at 7 months old. So that leaves most of the baby care to me, the dear hubby and my girls and son.
.
Have I mentioned that I don't remember infants being so tiring?! My youngest daughter is 12.. a good oh eleven years since I've had to deal with night feeds, baby food, bibs, sleepers and all the things that little babies entail. Maybe this is my "Hey you're gonna be a granny get ready" time but I sure do miss my full nights of sleep!
I have to give a shout out to my 3 daughters who are 15- the Fan girl,13- The Weird one and 12- The Artist (as they shall now be called). They are awesome with the baby and take him in the afternoons so hubby and I get a break and I can maybe get dinner done, dishes washed and possibly maybe some writing done! I am not sure I would have any tiny shred of sanity left if it wasn't for them.
So now you can understand where I've been for the past couple weeks.
Now onto the new and improved good stuff!!!
( Jeremy Renner is so cute but I digress...)
Confederate Moon is now out, available and you can purchase it on Amazon.com. BarnesNoble.com, Secret Cravings Publishings website as well as Bookstrand and All Romance Ebooks.
I started on the actual writing of the follow up to Confederate Moon. I've written close to 2000 words so far but considering I spent a good portion of yesterday in the ER with baby momma and out to dinner with the roomies celebrating a birthday, I'm pretty pleased.
I plan on revealing the title to the next book in the next couple of days  as well as a guest blog from the very cool and ever so awesome Vicki Locey  so stay tuned and

Dear Goodness

Goodness me it has been ages since I used this blog.
I have a horrible time with blogs but I am going to make SURE that I post at least once weekly from now on.
Starting this week (Maybe today) I am going to start doing a weekly installment edition of a story I am working on. It will have zombie like monsters, that's all I am saying.

Confederate Moon, my first full length novel, is in edits and should be available by Feb at the latest. An entire year after I first thought it would be released. But this is a good thing.

So I will be checking back in later and hope all is well with everyone who stumbles across the page here!

New Work In Progress Excerpt

A little of my newest work in progress just a tease!!

“I’m not who you think I am Derrick.” I blurted the words before I could think better of it and he smiled, reaching over to lay his hand over mine.

“I know you have things you’re hiding. Hell, I think all of us here knew that you weren’t just a girl who dropped out of college. You’re too smart, too quick to know what is going on. Monica told me that you were something special. So you gonna tell me you’re some millionaire from California?”

That made me smile. Maybe I wasn’t as good at lying and hiding as I thought I was. I chewed on my lip a moment, thinking about how much to tell him.

“Nevada, Las Vegas actually,” I began, “I came here because I needed to find out who I was.”

“That sounds like a cop out if you ask me”

“No, it wasn’t. I lived a life that I loved and in one day all of it changed. I spent a year taking care of everyone else and I forgot who I was. So I ran away.”

“I don’t see you running away from anything Kels.”

“Not really another word for it Derrick, I ran away from what I felt, from what I knew I should do but then again, I had no idea who I was then. How could I be the person they all expected me to be when I wasn’t ready to be that person yet?”